Sometimes, we have those sorts of nights where for whatever reason, sleep is not happening. We may desperately want or need it to but you’re sat there, wide awake and your brain is racing with ideas, thoughts and worries that you cannot seem to shake. Earlier this week, I had one such night where the two men of the house were asleep and I was just up. Up and not about either, which sort of annoyed me, because I could have and should have got some jobs done.
Instead, I lay there. Asking the same question of myself over and over again.
“Why am I awake?”
I’ll tell you why I’m awake.
I’m awake because it’s only 8:00pm for crying out loud.
I know we are all pretty poorly, Short Rib has been in bed for an hour and you just wanted to chill out in bed. However “chill out in bed” turned into you falling asleep almost immediately… not just dozing either. You’re like a rock… a noisy, hot, sweaty rock. You’re sexy when you’ve got the flu.
I’m still awake because I’ve heard Short Rib mumble over the baby monitor.
I daren’t go downstairs in case that wakes him. I daren’t get out of bed in case I disturb him. I’ll do my usual thing of holding my breath and staring intently into the video screen, trying to figure out if it was a one-off or if he’s going to start screaming the house down.
Ugh, I’m awake because I can’t breathe.
No seriously, I can’t. My nose is entirely blocked, this room is so stuffy, you my sleeping, stationary husband are like a furnace that’s inching its way closer and closer to me. I cannot breathe and I cannot sleep under these conditions.
So, I’m awake because I’m in the spare bed.
Yes the mattress is arguably more comfortable than ours and the room is A LOT cooler, but now I am right next to Short Rib’s room and I haven’t brought the baby monitor. Maternal anxiety has immediately shot through the roof. Nope, not sleeping like this.
I’m awake because I’ve heard a couple of footsteps on our landing.
I’m expecting hubby to come trundling in any second complaining I’m not in our bed. That complaint never comes.
Now, I’m awake because the footsteps could therefore only have come from a hermit that’s living in our loft.
We must have missed him when putting the Christmas decorations away and now I’m wondering if this hermit is also responsible for all of my missing toothbrushes, or Wes’ gloves. Oh God, I’ve no baby monitor, what if he decides he’s kidnapping Short Rib tonight?
I’m awake because, as I’ve just about got the hermit thoughts out of my head when I hear ANOTHER set of footsteps on our landing.
That creepy little bastard’s gone back into our loft! I wait in silence for a minute, before my imagination starts getting really quite ridiculous. Nope. Screw this.
Jesus Christ, now I’m awake because I’m back in my own bed.
In the sweatbox. You’ve barely moved and you’re still fully clothed. If you get up and whinge about how hot you are, I may be forced to murder you. Then I remember that we have a fan in this bedroom.
Ahhh, now I’m awake because I’m breathing in all that cool, soothing air.
It’s now half past midnight and I have to be up for work in six hours but I need to take a moment to try and enjoy this before the inevitable happens.
Annnnd now I’m awake, because YOU’RE awake and decide you want a cuddle.
I’ve spent four and a half hours trying to get comfortable and it’s taken you less than a minute to spoil it. Nice one poorly husband who fell asleep on me at 8:00pm.
Oh my word, it’s 1:20am and I am asleep! YES MATE. I am asleep, I am asleep, I a-
It’s 6:40am and I need to get up for work. You’re still asleep, the baby is still asleep and you’re both staying home today to recover. I hate my life.