So we’re now well into 2017 (five days, that’s well in) and it’s already lulling us into the same false sense of security that 2016 managed for all of two weeks. There aren’t going to be any big elections so that’s at least one thing we can rest easy about, but that doesn’t mean I trust 2017 yet. I don’t.
With everyone posting their New Years’ hopes and wishes, I’m taking a slightly different turn with it. I’m not into having hopes and making wishes, because that’s not forceful enough. With a little sod of a year like 2016 over and done with, we need to start making statements, and showing this year who’s boss. With that said; 2017, here are my demands.
If I see one drop of rain in Tenerife between 23rd June and 7th of July, we’re through.
Could you please kill off the X-Factor now? Show some mercy.
Can you do something about Short Rib’s increasing fascination with Mr Tumble? His face is starting make my eyes twitch.
Do not ruin Bake Off. I don’t need to tell you what will happen if you do.
Let’s talk about this blog, seeing as we’re here. I enjoy it and would like more people to enjoy it too. I’d like to see even more lovely people hopping over and reading it if that’s alright.
Twitter… can you stop idiots from using it? In fact, just delete everyone who isn’t James Blunt because that guy is a legend.
The one decent thing 2016 did was make Craig David a thing again. Fancy following suit and maybe making one of my childhood bands make an epic comeback? Eiffel 65 perhaps?
Cersei Lannister better be dead by the end of 2017. You guys are running out of time to off that witch.
Just show us a bit of faith in humanity… after 2016 and the awful side of the human race it managed to expose us to, just show us that mankind isn’t completely ridiculous. Doesn’t have to be something big… just anything will do.
Oh. And leave Mary Berry the hell alone.
That’s it. I’m not asking for much am I? A few million pounds would be nice to add but I’m trying to be as realistic as I can. Can’t expect too much after the international car crash that was 2016! It’s clearly a tongue in cheek post that is designed to lighten the mood because everyone seems to be glad to see the back of last year.
In all honesty though, Brexit and Trump and all the dead celebrities aside, 2016 was pretty wonderful for us. Short Rib turned one (as did our marriage), I bagged myself a new job and I qualified as a solicitor! I mean, it was pretty monumental in a lot of ways – so whilst it looks like I’m having a pop at the last 365 days, I’m not. 2016 was decent, with a few obvious exceptions.
So what are YOUR demands for 2017? Let me have your ransom note for the year ahead!